


Cease and Desist

by CoffeeWithConsequences



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Crack, Epistolary, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Neighbors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-04 10:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14591487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeWithConsequences/pseuds/CoffeeWithConsequences
Summary: Arthur is the HHA president. His new neighbor requires a lot of reminders about neighborhood standards.Cracky Inception AU. Rating and tags may change later.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brookebond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brookebond/gifts).



_(Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Thursday, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with PVLT logo)_

Dear Mr. Eames,

Welcome to the neighborhood. As you have just moved in, you may not be aware of the Homeowner’s Association (hereafter, HHA) regulations regarding time of move-in. As is clearly stated in Section 8, Paragraph 3:

 

> Upon moving in, all non-approved outdoor items should be removed into the home no later than 12 hours after moving has commenced.

As you began your move on Tuesday, and what appears to be furniture remains on your front lawn, you are clearly in violation of the regulations. Please remedy this situation immediately.

 

Sincerely,

 

Arthur Cohen (Park View Lake Terrace HHA President)


	2. Chapter 2

_(Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Friday, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LV_ LT logo)

Dear Mr. Eames,

As I detailed in my previous letter, the things on your lawn are unacceptable violations of the PVLT community bylaws. From the street, or indeed from my property, I can see a large collection inexpensive and damaged furniture, as well as what appears to be a large metal chicken. Assuming the furniture is not garbage, it needs to be inside your home, and the chicken, I would think, needs to be disposed of in the trash receptacle. Our trash pick-up is on Mondays.

Thank you for your attention to these important matters,

 

Arthur Cohen, Park View Lake Terrace HHA President


	3. Chapter 3

_(Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Saturday morning, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo)_

  
Mr. Eames,

Remove the detritus from your yard or there will be consequences.

Arthur Cohen


	4. Chapter 4

_ (Letter found taped to Arthur’s front door on Saturday afternoon, written on the back of a flyer in purple Sharpie, handwriting nearly illegible) _

 

Arthur,

All my stuff is in the house, as you repeatedly asked. Moving is a bloody drag. The chicken is a priceless work of art. 

Having a housewarming tonight, come have a drink.

Ta,

 

Eames

 


	5. Chapter 5

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Sunday morning, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo) _   
  


Mr. Eames,

Enclosed is a copy of the Park View Lake Terrace Community Bylaws. For your convenience, I have highlighted the section on entertaining. While social occasions are important to all of us, we must respect the needs of our neighbors. I trust we will have no more issues.

 

Arthur Cohen

 

**Park View Lake Terrace Community Bylaws, highlighted section:**

> _ While residents are encouraged to entertain, PVLT is a quiet, respectful community. Gatherings must remain inside after dark and the ambient noise level should not disturb your neighbors. All gatherings should be concluded by 10pm during the week and 11pm on weekends. _


	6. Chapter 6

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Monday morning, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo) _

 

Mr. Eames,

While mowing my lawn yesterday afternoon, I could not help but notice you in your backyard--your singing made it difficult to miss. Obviously, it is your prerogative to make as much of a mess as you’d like in your own backyard. There is also no rule against nudity in one’s own backyard. That said, I find painting in your underwear to be an inappropriate choice, given that there is only a short fence between our properties. Please consider wearing clothes outside your home.

 

Arthur Cohen

 

P.S. I will be displeased if any paint is found on my side of the fence.


	7. Chapter 7

_ (Note found on Arthur’s car windshield, scribbled on a paint can label in green Crayon, smudged with pink paint) _

 

Arthur,

Too fucking hot for clothes in L.A., mate.

-E


	8. Chapter 8

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Wednesday morning, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo) _

 

Mr. Eames,

When I arrived home from work yesterday, I noticed an unusual smell. When I investigated, it appeared to be coming from your home. I found a large pile of what appears to be animal waste in your driveway. It should go without saying that the neighborhood does not allow residents to have large piles of excrement in their driveways--I cannot quote the exact regulation, but there must be one.

Remove the pile immediately. 

 

Arthur Cohen 


	9. Chapter 9

_ (Note found shoved under Arthur’s door, written on the back of a ripped envelope from Cobb’s Fertilizer Delivery Service with a grease pencil) _

 

Arthur darling,

The shit is for fertilizing the garden. Wheeling it to the back tomorrow. Soon, I can gift you with some large, useful cucumbers and maybe courgette if you’re good.

-Eames

P.S. I borrowed your shovel. 


	10. Chapter 10

_(Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Friday morning, printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo)_

 

Mr. Eames,

Yesterday evening, I looked out my front window to find a man urinating in my rose bushes. When I confronted him, he told me he was your “mate” and that you’d been “on the lash” before he needed to “wee.” When I told him my yard was not an appropriate place for him to relieve himself, he told me to go fuck myself.

Please attempt to curb your troglodyte acquaintances, and stay out of my yard.

Also, return my shovel. 

 

Arthur Cohen


	11. Chapter 11

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Saturday afternoon, written in block capitals on a sheet torn from a Moleskine notebook, paperclipped to a magazine) _

 

Mr. Eames,

The attached magazine was in my mailbox this morning. It appears there was a typo in the address. Please correct it, as I have no need for your pornography.

 

Arthur Cohen

P.S. You are aware of the Internet, right?


	12. Chapter 12

_(Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Tuesday morning, written in block capitals on a piece of yellow legal paper, paperclipped to a mailer from Comcast Cable Company)_

 

Mr. Eames,

I can see that you are piggybacking off my router. While I am impressed with your skills, I have upgraded the security. Get your own wireless.

 

Arthur


	13. Chapter 13

_ (Letter found on in Eames’ mailbox on Thursday morning, written in block capitals on yellow legal paper) _

 

Mr. Eames,

 

While I am happy to see you’ve had Internet installed, I find I must bring to your attention the following:

  1. The Comcast installation vehicle was parked in front of my driveway.
  2. The vehicle in question remained for more than six hours--far longer than any installation would require.
  3. You have yet to install window coverings in your home.
  4. The weather being mild yesterday, you elected to open your windows.



Your guest’s appreciation of your home, and yours of his installation, was apparent to all the near neighbors.

 

Arthur


	14. Chapter 14

_(Note attached to Arthur’s bent shovel, written in ballpoint pen, on a crumpled napkin)_

Darling,

  
I assumed your comment about the Internet was an invitation. When it wasn’t, I made other plans. The service here is excellent.

Listen all you’d like.

 

-E


	15. Chapter 15

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Saturday morning,  printed in Times New Roman, on heavy cream stationary with LVLT logo) _

 

Mr. Eames,

Your guests have once again disturbed myself and the other neighbors. As of this morning, I see you still have vehicles lining the street, so I assume some of them stayed on overnight. Other complaints include the music and loud conversation, the smell of marijuana, and two individuals vomiting on the communal sidewalk.

It is my role as the president of the LVLT HHA to issue this official letter, asking you to cease and desist your blatant disregard for the rules of this community.

Sincerely,

 

Arthur Cohen, LVLT HHA President


	16. Chapter 16

_ (Letter found on in Eames’ mailbox on Sunday afternoon, written in block capitals on yellow legal paper) _

 

Mr. Eames,

Once again, I recommend you invest in window treatments, at least for the front of your home. While leaving this morning to do my grocery shopping, it was impossible for me not to notice your doing housework through your open windows.

I also feel it may be dangerous to operate a vacuum while not wearing pants.

 

Arthur


	17. Chapter 17

_ (Letter found in Eames’ mailbox on Tuesday afternoon, written in block capitals on yellow legal paper) _

 

Mr. Eames,

It is beyond my authority as the president of the HHA, or as your neighbor, to influence your interior decorating decisions. That said, I have to register my discontent with your decision to paper your front windows with my previous letters. It cannot possibly be good for property values.

Arthur


	18. Chapter 18

_ (Note found stuck to Arthur’s screen door with chewed gum on Thursday evening, written on a dog food can label with a pencil) _

 

Neighbor,

Going to get a dog. Apologies in advance for any noise as he settles in. Want to come over and meet him on Saturday?

-E


	19. Chapter 19

Text message, Saturday evening.

_Your dog stained my suit._

_And my shirt._

 

Response, three hours later:

_Arthur! You used my number!_

 


	20. Chapter 20

Text message, Sunday afternoon:

_I just thought I heard you yelling my name in your yard. Is everything OK?_

Response:

_Yeah. I named my dog after you._


	21. Chapter 21

Text message, Tuesday evening:

_Your dog is digging underneath the fence._

 

Response, hours later:

_What dog? He only answers to his name._


	22. Chapter 22

Text message, early Wednesday morning:

_Isn't it time for your run? Arthur and I going to the park, if you want company._

 

Response:

_Mr. Eames, why do you know my running schedule?_

_And give your dog a new name._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please come visit me on [Tumblr](https://coffeewithconsequences.tumblr.com/) or read the rest of my fic here at [Archive of Our Own](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeWithConsequences/works)!


End file.
